My favorite TV show...

I won't go. I won't sleep. I can not breathe, until you're resting here with me.....

Roswell!

When Liz Parker (Shiri Appleby) is shot by a stray bullet in her family's restaurant, The Crashdown, in Roswell, NM Max Evans (Jason Behr) must make a life altering decision: save the girl he's secretly loved since first grade or protect his secret origins in outer space. Also featuring Colin Hanks, Brendan Fehr, Majandra Delfino and Katherine Heigl.

Roswell was my first... lots of things.

This was the first time I saw a show promo that made me so anxious for the fall premiere season that I WISHED for the end of summer. I've always been a tv hound, but this show was quite possibly the beginning of my downfall, otherwise known as my transformation into a couch potato.

Roswell was also the first time a show's fate ever stressed me out. When the WB canceled Roswell I cried. Seriously, I was 17 or 18. And now that I've typed that I realize how unbelievably pathetic that sounds. *cringe* Anyway, UPN saved this show and I was ecstatic. And then they canceled it after one season. I was too angry to shed any more tears.

That cancellation still stings today. Every fall season I get so excited when a show I love premieres, but I'm always very antsy that it'll get canceled too soon. I'm pretty sure that wounded distrust began here. Season 4 would have been amazing, but we'll never know!

This was also the first time I realized how great a truly amazing soundtrack could be. Everything from the theme ("Here With Me" by my beloved Dido) to every moody, depressing alternative female singer they used to punctuate teenage angst spoke to me. And when they put the series on dvd, even though they couldn't afford all of the songs on the original soundtrack, I think the team did a great job picking songs that carried the spirit of the show well.

I've also never been able to truly let this show go. Every now and then I bust out the dvds and have a Roswell marathon. I also shamelessly plug the show to friends (no takers yet, but soon... soon someone'll catch on to this fabulousness!) And I'm finally reading the books. I love a good, breezy YA escape and that's exactly what I get. I also love taking a mini vacation with a book that I can devour in a day of leisurely reading.

*sigh* I'm so nostalgic now... Looks like it might be time for another Max fest. Oh Jason Behr... how I love you!

Dear Cold Case

You suck extra hard!

Give me back my Kat Miller:

This, by the way, is hot:

Let's go back to that.

...good day mate (or whatever)...

We all know that there are lots of foreign actors donning "American" accents on tv. Some people get all angsty about it, usually New Yorkers, oddly enough. I, however, think it's super freaking awesome. Especially the bad ones! Let' consider the players:

Alex O'Louglin: SEXY... oh, his accent... um, pretty decent actually, except sometimes you can tell that it's acting. Usually it's when he doesn't blend words together or cut off their endings in that very particular way that I love. It's hard to explain really. Well, that's not true. It's more like Americans are lazy (I mean this as a compliment) and "to" usually becomes "ta" as we blend it with the following or preceding words. So every time someone actually says "I want to go to the store" as opposed to "I wanta go..." they're either trying too hard or the accent is so fake... Either way, I love it.

Joseph Fiennes: Passable, mostly because he's doing the whole nondescript American accent that's always the easy way out in my opinion, but whatever.

Jonathan LaPaglia: Really good, but he has an odd way of speaking on Cold Case. It's not Boston. It's not New York. It's.... whatever, he's cute. It is what it is.

Yvonne Strahovski: Seriously... another Australian? (I kid I kid). Passable, but she does the kind of accent that you know isn't quite right but you put up with it anyway cause... well, fine... she's hot.

Jamie Bamber: He was damn good on BSG... Sure he had some slip ups every now and then, but very few as far as I could see. And he's hot. (Yes, there is a theme: Be pretty: no one cares if you sound like a muppet.)

Hugh Laurie: Motherphucken Flawless, mate! 

Who are your favorite pretend Americans?

...what a difference a curl makes...

On The L Word, Katherine Moennig was, quite possibly, the love of my life as sexy, horribly emaciated, womanizer Shane.  When that show ended, very unsatisfactorily I might add, I despaired about getting my weekly Shane Katherine fix.

So of course I was excited when I saw that she was cast on Three Rivers as Dr. Miranda Foster, with the oh so motherphucken gorgeous Alex O'Loughlin of Moonlight fame. (Man, I miss that show!) The season premiere last week was... meh. Whatever. I wasn't surprised. I wasn't in love. And while this show is likely to make a second season it's almost certain that I'll only watch to drool over Alex. I'd hoped to salivate over Katherine as well until:

 WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH HER HAIR!?

Oh my god. I really have nothing else to say. No review of the show. No critiques really about the plot or acting. I can't even muster a huzzah! at the fabulous Alfre Woodard.

All I have to offer is a deep, heartfelt plea for the hair and makeup team on Three Rivers to fix this situation.

STAT!

FlashForward... plot hole?

So I've taken a couple of tentative sips of the FlashForward kool-aid and I'll probably drink the rest of my cup. I like the show. I like the cast (Gabrielle Union AND Gina Torres showed up tonight *squee*). It works for me.

But as I was watching tonight I just kept looking at some of the characters and thinking "what the fuck!?"

Let me explain...

In the the second episode, the FBI starts trying to figure out why the blackout happened and what it means. They're working almost exclusively from Mark Benford's flash about his crazy idea/suspect/miscellaneous shit board. Yea, as you can tell I'm not a fan of that plot device. It's super annoying. But whatevers... So, the team is working off of the premise that if Mark encounters something that was on his board then it must be relevant to the Blackout. And as they encounter clues they put them on a board.

See where I'm heading?

Yea, they're building the fucking board that Max sees in his flash. So everything might not be pertinent, but they might have thought it was at one time or another. So it ended up on the board. *scratching head* Aren't they just willing the future to happen?

Ok, let me keep explaining...

The big drama from last week on has centered around the oh-so-sexy Agent Demetri Noh's  (John Cho) admission that he didn't see anything in his flash. He takes that to mean that he's dead by then. This theory is only further strengthened when he meets another person who didn't have a flash who is then shot to death shortly thereafter. (ooops, spoiler alert) He's all aggro about that, and rightly so cause dying sorta sucks. But he gets even more angsty after he gets a call from a mysterious stranger (the sexy-voiced Shohreh Aghdashloo) who relays that, in her flash, she saw intelligence that he is murdered around a month before the date of the flash (April 29). Bummer dude.

But then tonight there's a twist. When Demetri is finally reunited with his fiancee Zoe (Union), she's dying to tell him about her vision. And when she does it's a doozy. (If by doozy I mean cute but a bit boring and not very clear at all). She tells him that she saw their wedding day on a beautiful beach in Hawaii. Awww! She's gorge dude. Sorry, back on track... She's all excited, 'cause it means they picked a date and their gettin' hitched.



Demetri asks "and you saw me?"

She answers "of course. Didn't you see me?"

He lies "Yes."

He didn't see that. We know he didn't see that. For a second I was like, maybe he just had his eyes closed. Look, I'm grasping at straws people, I know!

But here's the thing. She didn't see his ass either as far as I'm concerned. I mean, seriously, that vision was fuzzy as hell and the dude she marrying is still ridiculously far away on that beach. I mean, really? You're 100% sure you saw Demetri, Zoe? Is your eyesight that good? I guess...

After this, sexy lips Agent Noh struggles with how to deal with this information. Is he dead, like the woman on the phone said, or is he on a beach getting married?

And then it happens, the scene that sparked this random ass review: While working on the investigation, Noh ends up at a future (mess of a) Customs officer's house. The guy, lovable pothead that he is, totally has a bong in full view and begs Demetri not to rat him out. He then admits that Noh has the power to make his future come true.

So of course I yelled "Don't make his future come true!" (and then promptly realized that I was talking to a tv and totally need to get a life) because well, if you can change one thing that means you can change another. And if you can change the future then, if Agent Noh is dead by the blackout, maybe there's a way to stop that from happening. Right? Yea?

Why didn't I think of this before?

Ultimately, we don't yet know what Agent Noh does, or doesn't do, about the Customs Agent but I'm left wondering why no one in Flashforward is rebelling against their future. Everyone seems to be hastening the future to come (because they're happy at the outcome) or cowering in fear of it. But not one person so far is actively trying to change it. Why? Wouldn't you want to try and "fix" the future if you were separated from your wife or, you know, DEAD? I would. So why is no one in Flashforward-land?

This is my plot dilemma: Is Flashforward ignoring basic human instincts? Or am I overestimating them?

Would you fight?

But yea, then there's the whole sci-fi thing about knowing the future: You know, if you rebel, you actually create the future that you're trying to avoid. Or some other crazy shit...

Maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit. The last scene might offer some clues about what's happening next. While at first Demetri was creeped out by the idea that he and Zoe planned to marry on "D-Day," by the end of the episode he's done a 180 and decided to make it official. He says they should book it and ultimately gives into her blackout vision and possibly his death.

"I want us to make our future happen," he says. I gush.

And while at first it sounds like he's essentially willing his murder to happen. Maybe he's not. Maybe, just maybe, he's saying damn my (possible) murder, we're going to believe in your dream.

And that's really fucking sweet in my opinion.

But still...

Community- The Asian Spanish Teacher

NBC's new half hour comedy Community hasn't received too much hype, even though it airs in the channel's coveted Thursday night comedy block. Personally I only thought to give it a try because Joel McHale is funny, but just as soon as I decided to watch it, I forgot about it completely. But I happened to catch Yvette Nicole Brown's interview on The Wendy Williams Show and promptly set my dvr. And thank god I did, because this shit is hilarious.

Sadly, I then immediately forgot that about it again (am I too young for senility?) and missed the second episode. But I was lucky enough to catch the show on Bravo thanks to NBC's media domination. And if it was possible to top the introduction of Abed, the Indian dude with Aspergers, and Chevy Chase as creepy older hippy Pierce who has a bit of a thing for Shirley (Brown), they did so with this little nugget of fabulousness. Meet Senor Chang (Ken Jeong), the Asian Spanish Teacher:

In his first appearance Senor Chang lays it down, getting right to the heart of your Asian stereotypes and the supposed incongruity of having an Asian man teaching Spanish. Because I can't find the clip anywhere anymore (damn NBC and their copyright protections!) I've decided to transcribe it for you.... Seriously! It's that good.

Every once in a while a student will come up to me and ask Senor Chang, why do you teach Spanish? They say it just like that. Why do you teach Spanish? Why you? Why not math? Why not photography? Why not martial arts? I mean surely it must be in my nature to instruct you in something that's ancient and secret like oh building a wall that you can see from outer space. Well I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. It is none of your business ok? Now I don't wanna have any conversations about what a mysterious inscrutable man I am. [plays with imaginary long, white beard] oheheheheheohohohohoh I am a spanish genius. En espanol my nickname is el tigre chino [pretending to bite Shirley's neck] because my knowledge will bite her face off. So don't question Senor Chang or you'll get bit, ya bit, ya bit!... Ok, Friday manana...

At first I wasn't sure where this monologue was going and I am a bit lost on where it ended up. But the more I listened the more I realized that Senor Chang was blowing my mind. All of a sudden, he was killing me softly and I was on the floor dying laughing. "Why not karate?" The "mysterious" Asian man... oh sweet lord in heaven, you like me and this proves it!

Senor Chang's outburst says a lot about how we understand race, nationality and language. I've talked about this before but this dude is so funny that I had to do it again.

Why do his students get all confuddled about having an Asian Spanish teacher? Well, you know... he's Asian first of all. Shouldn't he be teaching Japanese or Cantonese or, you know, some Asian language?
That has got to be one of the dumbest sentences I've ever had to write just because it requires looking at the world with such massive blinders I don't know how you don't run into multiple walls.

But also because comments like these presume that only Asian people speak Asian languages, only Latinos speak Spanish and only someone of a particular racial group should teach that language. This also supposes that you've never looked around you and seen what different kinds of people lay claims to what it means to be an American. And everyone from Norcal knows that when you're in high school you have two foreign language options, Spanish or French. And if you know like I know, Spanish is just barely a foreign language in some parts of the U.S.

So douche... why Senor Chang?

Why the FUCK NOT?

...must watch...

I am an admitted tv hound. I love tv more than I love most personal interactions. Hell I can probably track all of the most interesting/monumental changes of my life to a tv show.

TV rules my world and my friends are totally starting to catch on.

And... because of that I've decided to compile a list of must-see tv... No not that bullshit nbc two-hour block. Like tv that I love. TV that I crave. TV that I would actually buy on dvd...

So heeeeere we go: (oh yea, and I don't cross reference... deal)

Sci-Fi or syfy (dumbest move ever!):

Roswell
Smallville*
Supernatural*
Firefly
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel
Moonlight
Night Stalker
Battestar Galactica
Stargate
Blade: The Series
New Amsterdam
Journeyman
The 4400
Dead Like Me (skip the straight to dvd movie and come up with your own ending... trust me)
Dark Angel
Eureka* (it's getting a bit hinky now, but it started off great)

Blackalicious:

Living Single
In Loving Color
A Different World
Half & Half
Girlfriends (right up until Toni Childs leaves... nothing worth knowing after that)
Noah's Arc

Dramedy:

Sex and the City
Californication*
The United States of Tara*
Big Shots (they just won't give a brother a chance... um, or a sista. whatever)
Leverage*
Veronica Mars

As Opposed to Total Drama Island (my niece's fave show):


The Wire
Six Feet Under
Big Love*
The L Word
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Law & Order*
Burn Notice*
The Closer*
ER (right to the end... don't you judge me!)
One Tree Hill* (until they get rid of Leyton and I get rid of them)
Sleeper Cell
House*

Laugh your arse off:

Psych*
Pushing Daisies
30 Rock*
Arrested Development
Chapelle Show (season 1 only)
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia*
Lucky Louie (sometimes one season is more than enough)

Cheerio! or They Came From Across the Pond:

Hotel Babylon
Green Wing
Teachers
Are You Being Served?
Bad Girls
Black Books
Skins*
Doctor Who*
Torchwood*
Footballers' Wives (too dishy to miss)
Gavin & Stacey*
Hex
Spooks/MI-5*
Red Dwarf
Spaced

Animatrix'd:

Daria
Aeon Flux
Fraggle Rock
Futurama*

Some Weird Undefinable Shit:

Carnivale
Rome

* indicates a show still on air... it's more than a little telling/sad that all of the shows in Blackalicious are dunzo *sigh*

Flashforward- review

GREAT FUCKING CAST! No seriously, I'm not exaggerating.

• John Cho
• Courtney B. Vance
• Alex Kingston
• Lee Thompson Young (where the hell has he been hiding?)
• Jack Davenport (random as all hell)

And this is just a few. AND this is only a few of the people we saw this week. In the previews I spotted Gabrielle Union, Dominic Monaghan and Gina Torres. I mean wtf abc? This is a crazy good cast that I've loved all over the place elsewhere! Kudos to you bitches...

Oh yea, um, the story's interesting. No really it is. It's just that if you like cheap, quick thrills, this show is not for you. The storyline will unfold slowly over the season. I like shows like that AS LONG as the payoff is worth it. I actually think this one might deliver. *fingers crossed*

the forgotten- review

Dear Rupert Penry Jones,

First of all, you're hot and I loved you in Spooks and you're ridiculously sexy in Persuasion *squee* Sorry, moving on...

I just saw the first episode of "the forgotten." You know, that show that axed you after an unaired pilot when some douchey focus group said that you and the female lead weren't so hot (she wasn't, you're always steamy). And then they replaced you with Christan Slater fresh off of the nbc cancellation of his pretty good "My Own Worst Enemy." Remember? Um, well I saw the first epi and I would like to say... don't feel bad. This show's going to get canceled soon anyway. I mean maybe not real soon, but soon.

 Don't get me wrong, it's a good show and it definitely has potential. But it's one of those that takes the whole finding lost people premise a bit too seriously so that it somehow morphs into this self-righteous downer that you watch at first but then just start recording and only watch grudgingly when your dvr is full, not 'cause you like it or anything, just so that you can have the pleasure of deleting them. *cough*Warehouse 13*cough* It's just really not that serious.

However, I will say that Christian Slater wasn't that bad (even though you would have been better!) and Rochelle Aytes was gorgeous... um and a good actress too. I'm hoping for  a little hook up with those characters but I'm a realist, so optimism seems naive. Also, if they do hook up I'll always think of you Rupert because you're amazing and rock my socks. And I'm adult enough to admit that this letter just took a strange turn into the creepy...

Sorry,

-nicole-

Old Hats- reviews

Heroes: Snooze, but apparently it's still cool to watch Claire try and kill herself. And the little snippets of Sylar are always awesome. Black folk... sigh... maybe next time.

House: I guess, although I did just read an article that Jennifer Morrison is leaving and has already filmed her last episode. Isn't it sad that I don't even care about her character anymore? Oh, I guess I, uh, see. That was possibly a good decision for you then Jen...

Castle: After a show survives its first season, they're not out of the woods just yet. Everyone wonders if it can keep up the momentum. Some shows have such an amazing first season that crappy fans and critics tear apart its sophomore effort (r.i.p. Pushing Daisies). So the heat is on for Castle. I have to say that the premiere wasn't that bad. I mean I couldn't have cared two shits about the person who died, it was a bit... far fetched for me. But I liked it. I appreciated the Castle/Beckett angst. All of my favorite characters were there and still funny. Maybe not as funny as last season, but I love Nathan Fillion enough to be sure that I'll warm to them, just like last season.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The season premiere was so decidedly unfunny that I was nervous about epi 2. Thankfully the gang made up for their stumble last week. All I have to say is Soul Asylum never sounded so good Sweet Dee!

Law & Order: Last season I realized that every single part of that show made me happy. The cases, the actors, the storylines. It was all better than it'd been in years. The premiere was just as amazing. Seriously, McCoy fucking indicted former Vice President Cheney. It's like the L&O team are fucking reading my mind! Imaginary Christmas came early this year yall...

...some reviews...

Hello again,

So the first week of fall premieres is over and well... I was a bit underwhelmed. I was so generally bored that I've spent some time writing reviews for this blog instead of, you know, actually paying too close attention to these shows...

But first, a disclaimer:

• 2 hour premieres are so unbelievably unnecessary it hurts. They hurt. I hurt. My tv hurts. I almost cried. I'm a super tv nerd and I never missed a show enough to NEED a 2 hour premiere. Especially not if the episode is weird or so boring it makes you want to tear your eyes out... I can sit through a mediocre hour show that's a little boring (I watched all of last season's Private Practice didn't I?) but 2 hours just sends me over the top. Or into a coma. *dedicated with a hung head to House, Grey's Anatomy and Heroes...smh..*
• 2 hours season finales are still totally awesome... 
  

...where's my clicker?...

Well kids, it's that time again. A new fall premiere season is upon us. For those that don't know I'm a serious tv hound/couch potato and this is my favorite time of the year. If I celebrated Christmas, fall premieres would put that sappy holiday to shame!

So, in the spirit of full disclosure here is a list of shows that I'm excited about (and some that I'm really not):

Returning

Heroes- yea, it's confusing and they keep killing off all of the Black people and the Asians are woeful stereotypes but I fucking love Hiro goddammit! ... don't look at me. I'm so ashamed... :-(

House- the white person is the druggie? sign me up!

Lincoln Heights- one word: Chassie. all my tween/teen girls know what I'm talking about... yea. yea... (still ashamed)

Supernatural- technically started last week, but whatever, still excited. Dean- need I say more? thought not!

Cold Case- old mysteries, Tracie Thoms/Anthony LaPaglia... it is what it is.

Castle- Nathan Fillion. that is all.

Smallville- I don't have to explain myself to you!

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia- I love this show. the season premiere was not amazing. I'm excited, but wary...

Law & Order- last season was ridiculous. I never thought I'd say this but Anthony Anderson is a really good actor... gasp!

Medium- fucking cbs nbc. how do you cancel Medium!? it's on nbc cbs now.

Californication- if you don't know you betta ask somebody.

Dollhouse- I thought most of season 1 was a bit... meh, but it's Joss Whedon so I'm hoping they will have fixed the kinks.

Lie to Me- ridiculous!

Better off Ted- one of those dry humor, man breaks the fourth wall shows that works for me... I don't like the Office... even though I wanted to.

New Kids on the Block

the forgotten- actually I don't know how to feel about this one. how do you replace Rupert Penry Jones with Christian Slater? fucking Americans.

Eastwick- another one I'm ambivalent about but I liked the movie so we'll see.

The Vampire Diaries- the books sound atrocious but I was pleasantly surprised by the pilot so I'm giving it a shot.

Melrose Place- I was actually not a fan of the original but the first two episodes weren't bad. besides there's a black girl. there's only one, but sometimes that's all they give us so I have to make it work...

Flashforward- I actually kept running into the descriptions for this one and said no, hell no, repeatedly. some smart exec, however, made me turn my head with the announcement that John Cho was in it. I still said no, but I was willing to listen. then they made me turn around completely: Gabrielle Union was cast on the show? no, no, you will not break me down, goddamn you! and I was holding out pretty strong all summer until I heard that... John Cho and Gabrielle Union's characters were a couple... fucking abc. I'm watchin', I'm watchin'!

Glee- who knew? I'm hooked.

Community- Joel McHale... nuff said...

Shows I Gave Up On/Not Even Trying

One Tree Hill- no Leyton?! No Nicole...

Gossip Girl*- I just can't keep track and the CW doesn't do enough reruns... maybe on dvd... maybe... and where the fuck are the black people? this show has the Friends-itis...

Cougar Town- no. (on a sidenote: did anyone besides me watch Dirt? now that show was crazy)

The Beautiful Life- i tried. the premise was tired as hell.

CSI:NY- i don't know what happened. i used to really love this show. maybe it's just too sleek for me? *shrugs shoulders*

Parks and Recreation- horrible. absolutely horrible. and it really shouldn't be! amy poehler. rashida jones. wtf happened!?

CSI- actually, I gave up on it not 'cause it wasn't good it's just that thursday is a busy (tv) night for me... it's up against some pretty tough contenders... oh larry fishburne... I tried! I tried!

Fringe*- this show was amazing but then fox kept fucking with it's schedule and I lost interest

Ghost Whisperer- Andrea.

Southland*- again I tried. I was not impressed.

Sanctuary- who knew a webseries could be better than the shit they put on tv? I am humbled... and not tuning in.

NCIS- one day I looked up and realized that I couldn't figure out if I'd already seen this episode because EVERY FUCKING NCIS EPISODE IS THE SAME unless it's a season finale... over it!

Never Tried But Maybe on Netflix...?

The Mentalist- my mom likes it. but in my mind simon should be with sanaa on my tv screen... I might have gotten a bit attached to something new...

Sons of Anarchy- I've heard good things but... maybe on netflix.

CSI: Miami- maybe there's just been too much soup criticism of the show (oh horatio) but they had megalyn echikunwoke on it last season so all of a sudden I have a new determination to see what's going down... i'm nothing if not predictable.

Dexter*- technically I saw the first season, but something about the second season never clicked with me... I'll put it on my queue though... why not?

So, these are my obsessions... what are you watching this season?

*- indicates a show that I'm willing to consider for the netflix queue.